| The BDSM Community: by Tanonymous BDSM Myths: The One True Way | |
| Believe it or not, there is absolutely no such thing as "a" standard for slaves, or for the BDSM lifestyle in general. There are some good basic principles, and of course technical knowledge of your tools and techniques and psychology is a good idea, but a lot of the arbitrary stuff (slave positions, etc) is just that - arbitrary. "OK, get on your knees. Now, turn your head sideways and down - you aren't allowed to look at your Mistress/your Master. Put your hands behind you so you can't easily stop me from doing anything I might want to, making you vulnerable. That is your Proper Slave Position." "Kneel up so that your ass is exposed, and you are required to keep your eyes on me at all times so that you can anticipate my every wish and desire. Your hands should be in front of you, palms up, indicating submission and your offering of yourself to me. Ok, that is your Proper Slave Position." I just made both of those up off the top of my head, and guess what - they both work just fine, and neither of them is THE Proper Slave Position unless I arbitrarily decide that it is. And then, my decision that one of these two is THE Proper Slave Position and the one I'm going to use for the rest of my life does not impact anybody except my personal play partners.YOU can make up your own version of The Proper Slave Position, and ignore me entirely. In fact, I recommend that you do so. There are subtle psychological differences between the two positions I just outlined that emphasize different aspects of a slave's training, and the best results will be gained by making sure you understand the psychology of what you are doing as it applies to the psychology of the individual. The best results will probably not be gained by using somebody else's textbook formulas on every slave you train regardless of their individual differences and needs. One of the saddest myths in the BDSM community is that there is somehow a single authoritative source of what is True and Right and Proper for all BDSMr's everywhere. People waste their time trying to find The One True Secret Authoritative Source of What Is Right For Everybody, instead of working on a practical level to discover what is right for them. The unfortunate end result is if they delude themselves into thinking that they have found THE source, they apply it religiously without consideration for the fact that particular arbitrary formulas may not be perfectly suited for the individual or the situation. | If they never do find a source they can convince themselves is THE correct one, they waste time looking instead of having enough confidence in themselves to use what works and adapt methods to suit. The other unfortunate end result is occasionally that True Gurus will pop up and try to tell you that they have "THE" source, and by default everybody else is wrong. Laugh at these people as heartily as they deserve. Anybody who claims to have the right answers for *everyone* else is seriously reality challenged, to say the least. I tend to listen to and respect people who say things like, "This works for me. This has worked for me and my partners for X years. These principles and techniques have helped support and maintain long term, functional BDSM relationships for us in a happy and healthy way. They may work for you, too, if you can adapt them to your circumstances." I tend to giggle at folks who say, "I know Secret Slave Position #137 and it is the One True Key to Mastery of the Ultimate Slave. I am a Real True Master." Those are the ones buying into the myth instead of living in the reality, and it would be funnier if it wasn't so tragic. There are many *good* sources of excellent, practical information and advice written by lifestylers in the scene who know what they're talking about because they've been doing it successfully for many years. Find these sources. The idea that you are training a slave (or being trained) according to some One True Proper mystical standard for Real Slave Training is no doubt nice fantasy material, but when the fantasy's over and your trained slave finds out that nobody else in the BDSM community has ever heard of the source that you decided was The One True Right One, severe disillusionment can set in. I think it's better to be honest in the first place - as well as confident enough in your own authority that you do not have to invoke a mythical one. I consider slave training to be a psychological art consisting of methods of behavior modification through various tools and techniques. I feel that the primary aim of slave training is to achieve a state of willing, ecstatic submission while feeling at a very deep level that you are being firmly directed and controlled - even in the (temporary) absence of a specific command from the owner. To this end, applying arbitrary formulas without being able to adapt for the particular psychology of the individual would be singularly ineffective. So, get as good a grasp as you can of the psychological dynamics and responses you want to elicit, and how to elicit them in the individual you want to train, as well as a good grounding in basic BDSM tools, techniques and safety - and write your own damn program. |
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