Topping, Bottoming, Subspace, and Consent by Tanonymous

Topping, Bottoming, Subspace, and Consent

I distinguish two different modes of scene play - SM or sensation play which is topping and bottoming, and DS, which is dominating and submitting. In topping and bottoming, sensation play, SM, etc, without a strong DS component, the bottom often bears at least 50% of the responsibility for communicating, setting limits and discussing likes, dislikes and issues around the scene that is happening even while it is happening. That is a perfectly valid mode of play, and in fact the one I most commonly engage in as a casual top. For me, and for many other people I have had discussions with, subspace is a wholly different place to be, and the responsibility (indeed, the literal ability) to speak up and change something that isn't working shifts much more heavily to the dominant. A person deep in subspace may not be easily able to object to your renegotiating or reinterpreting the limits they stated when they were in their normal, thinking adult persona. As a dominant, I am *very* careful to stick to the limits I discussed with the thinking adult persona when I have any reason to believe that his consent from subspace would not be meaningful to his normal personality. I've run into this situation too many times not to be wary, and also I know what it feels like from the other side. I think that it is important for players to discuss clearly beforehand how much responsibility might or might not shift to the dominant to protect the sub and enforce the normal persona's stated limits even if deep subspace can make the lines of current consent blurry. If you are a dominant and you attempt to renegotiate the limits of a scene while your partner is in subspace, the consent you get may not be meaningful and may be deeply regretted by your partner in the morning. It is the ethical equivalent of pressuring someone who is drunk or stoned to have sex with you, even though you know they did not consent to this before their judgement was chemically altered. Subspace is effectively an altered state of consciousness, even if it is arrived at without the help of any chemicals outside of the body's own natural endorphins. A responsible dominant understands this and should not attempt to alter an earlier agreement about limits that was made while hir partner retained sane, sober adult judgement.